Ok, ok. So I have started this post a hundred times in the last 6 weeks. I am going to do it tonight even if it takes me all night (which it might). Please forgive me if I don't make complete sense, but this is a start.
You know, I have had many friends, family, tell me that there is nothing like being a grandparent. Better than being a parent. I could never understand how this could be. I have loved being a parent.
But then, Savannah was born. Oh dear, she was tiny. She fit in the palm of her daddy's hand. Then Mikenna was born. Her beautiful little features. She was a beauty. Then Daxton was born. Not fair that a little boy was so beautiful too. The intensity that you felt from the moment you looked into his baby blue eyes was incredible. He seemed to have so much to tell.
As I held and loved each one of these special spirits, I came to the realization that yes, I did love them as much or more. Why? Because their mommy was a part of me and I love her and each of my children more than life itself.
As I reflect on the events of the last 6 weeks and come to accept them, I realize we could not have made it through without the thoughts, the prayers, the notes, the kind words, and the acts of service in behalf of our family. Thank you isn't enough, but it is all I have to give. I am not used to being on the receiving end, I am the one who would rather give/serve. This has been most difficult for us. Thank you friends, new and old, thank you family, for always being there and thank you Dear Father in Heaven for carrying us when we were unable to carry ourselves. Todd and Ann, Thank you for my "Grandma Days". I will cherish them forever.
The most important thing I have learned through this experience is, there are so many little things that "just don't matter". The most important thing in our lives is our family. I have always thought I believed this, But now I know it.
This is my screen saver on my computer. Everytime I turn on my computer, Daxton is there to greet me. I wish I could squeeze his little cheeks, get a slobbery kiss (he was just starting to give kisses) and look into those beautiful blue eyes, and have boogies on my blouse. Oh how I miss him.
I am grateful that we took the time to "grab" that camera and "snap" lots of pictures. I love looking through pictures and remembering the events behind them. This picture of Daxton and Brittany was taken the night before Craig and I left for Bolivia to pick up Adam. I wanted a current picture of Daxton so Adam could get to know him.
The pictures of Savannah and Mikenna are a few of my favorites. Actually, I have about 2000 favorites. Daxton rarely ate from a spoon, he preferred his mom or dad feeding him off their plate with their fingers. go figure. But like I said, these pictures all have stories and they are priceless.
We have our good days, and we have our not so good days. Mondays are hard. I don't set my alarm on Monday morning cause I want to sleep the morning away. Doesn't work. Auto alarm goes off at 630am, 645am, 7am, 730am. (get the picture) So I lay there and remember.
I remember the conversation we had with our home teacher Sunday the day before Daxton died. How he inquired if there was "anything they could do for the Walter family". NOPE. We are fine. So incredibly blessed. Wonderful kids, wonderful spouses for our married kids, and exceptional grandkids. Good health, good work environment, great home teachers, blessed beyond measure. Wow...............little did we know. Less than 18 hours later. We would "need." But you know what? They were there. All of you were there. Never before have we felt an outpouring of love and support in our behalf. It is what got us through. Once again...........Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.
Thats all for now. I will get back to you before too long. Promise.
9 comments:
Thank you for sharing those tender thoughts, Margaret. I'm proud of you. I know it was hard. But I find remembering on paper (or on a computer screen, take your pick) to be very therapeutic. I love you and your family and all you have always done for us, especially when BJ died. I wish I knew what to do for you. But your family remains in our prayers and will for a very long time. You are all so special to us. It is our blessing to know you and call you our friends. Sweet post.
I don't know you but read your comment on the Missionary Mom website. I cannot stop thinking about you and your sweet family. I have wept as I have read about the loss of this beautiful little boy. I went through a great loss three years ago and know how your life can suddenly be turned upside down. I am comforted by the words I read from you and your daughter as you lean on the Atonement in a way you probably never thought of before. Amazing peace and comfort can be found as we plead to be carried during the dark days (and nights). I will be praying for you and your family.
Thanks for the post. You're right, family is the most important thing and all the other things in life that we think are so important, really are just meaningless without family. We all need each other at this time and are so blessed to have a wonderful family. Sometimes Logan will start crying at night when he thinks about Daxton and then we're both just a mess. But, the most important thing is that we have each other to lift each other up. I love you and the family. Thanks.
Hi Auntie. Thank you for sharing. I have always and will always look up to you! I love you. I love coming to Mesa to your home, my home away from home. love, Rell
I can't tell you how much I love your sweet family too. Being Savannah's therapist for so many years now has allowed me to be in Doug and Brittany's home once a week and I feel such a wonderful spirit there. I'm so grateful to have them as friends and wish I could take the hurt away. Thank you for raising such a wonderful daughter so I could have such a great friend. Most of the time she takes much better care of me than I of her. We're praying for all of you. Jess
On June 11 we lost our 8 week old granddaughter to SIDS. She has a twin brother. It has been the hardest trial of our life. My daughter has read your blog and that is how I found yours. I miss our precious Janie each day. I understand you finding Monday's difficult. I feel the same about Wednesday's. How truly blessed we are to have the Gospel of Jesus Christ, the Plan of Salvation and the Sealing power of the Temple Ordinances. Knowing that Janie is perfect and doing the work of our Savior, offers great peace and happiness. Brigham and Janie are our 5th and 6th grandchildren. And yes, being a grandmother is a joy that is beyond anything I could have imagined. I miss being Janie's grandmother in this life. But look forward with anticipation to watching my daughter raise her in the millinium. Thank you for sharing your experience. May you and your family continue to feel the healing of the Atonement. Jill
Hi Margaret! It is nice to finally read from you! I think of you and Brittany often. And continue to pray for you all. All my love, always...
Jaime Bradford
I'm excited to see you next Sunday when you come up here to Utah. It will be good even if it's only for a short while. I finally got a job. I'll have to tell you more about it, but I'm really excited to finally be working. And Logan and I decided that we will be coming home for Labor Day. We'll probably drive up on the 27th or 28th and stay until Monday and then drive back. I'll call you soon. Love ya
What a sweet post! I think about you often. You were always there for me and loving me no matter what! You were right there when B.J. passed and let me cry on your shoulder. I'll never forget that, and all the times you brightened my day!:) Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you and your family! You are such a strong woman! I love you and will keep your family in my prayers:)
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